Day 76. I have chosen to live intentionally toward the goals, dreams and desires God has placed on my heart for the last 90 days of 2019, pressing past fear, excuses and discomfort toward fullness of life. Goal: feeling all the way through.
I’m angry. There are no sweet words to cover it. Fist clenching, teeth grinding, heart pounding, no filter left, someone hold me back, the gloves are off, angry. ANGRY!!!
My anger is warranted. “Anyone would be angry at this,” I keep telling myself. I know the resounding answer is “YES.” Still, I feel the need to defend, legitimize, and apologize for being ANGRY, but why? Because I was trained to believe that only beasts get angry. I was trained to make everyone else comfortable, and beasts don’t make people comfortable. I was taught to absorb—it’s always my fault, always mine to fix, always my error, and always mine to accommodate. I was told anger is to be confessed and repented of instead of thoughtfully examined, embraced and righteously deployed. I was taught to dull my sharp edges so no one could get hurt…so no one else had to change.
When healthy anger is examined, embraced and righteously deployed, it can connect us with the truth (Yes this is indeed injustice.), initiate prophetic discomfort (That injustice you’re talking about makes me feel uncomfortable, why is that? What can I do?),and disrupt the status quo in the greater pursuit of justice, mercy, love, humility, mutuality or genuine reciprocity. So today, I embrace this anger. I feel it all the way through, not judging it, just receiving it. I welcome its disruption, its invitation to justice and its driving hunger for something more, something better. And no, it wasn’t my fault. I didn't cause it, nor do I need to apologize for it. My edges are a little sharp right now, and that’s okay, because today some things need to change.
ACTION STEPS: Take 1 minute to breathe deeply and acknowledge how you are truly feeling. Don’t judge your feelings. Just name it and allow yourself to feel it all the way through.
